Yesterday I introduced my first Nine Wins on my Reverse Bucket List for Eighteen in 2018. These were areas I discovered simply by leaning into the rhythm of our year. Even with the limitations and expectations that accompany a year surrounding a new baby, i was able to discover enough fun, enough joy, enough to celebrate.
But what I look for the most in my reflections on the past year was what I learned about myself. I find the best way to explore this is through my creative writing. Whether in my blog or simply in the small squares of my Instagram feed, writing became my chance for personal growth and exploring what Enough means to me. While scrolling through some of my favorite pieces of writing, I recognized a symmetry between the changing seasons and my growing mind, body and spirit. I am so grateful I feel safe to be vulnerable in this space about how I am experiencing this growth.
The following are nine of these lessons a simple picture and collection of words taught me…
10. Embrace, no, Flourish in Winter. Winter is Hard. There is beauty and peace and I am all in on the seasonal changes. But it can still be hard, and accepting this reality was my step one in leaning into what makes it good. Bundle up, get fresh air, celebrate the adventures that only a crisp winter day can offer. It’s worth it.
11. It’s worth it because spring will come in it’s own time. So Be Patient. Remember the rest and patience of winter is necessary for nature and for our bodies, particularly bodies growing people. The reward is generous and beautiful.
12. Love and let go. Giving our dog a new home was a reminder that love sometimes means letting go. It means that sadness and joy and peace can all live together in the heart. And updates on said dog and her new person living their best life together never gets old.
13. Love my body. Love it when it is weak and when it is strong. Love it even when I don’t want to. Love my body because it is exactly enough for what it needs to be.
14. Experience a beautiful peaceful birth. Making the decision to choose a family centered c-section was live-giving, personally and literally, of course. In contrast to my past birth stories, I went into this experience fearless and brave and strong and supported. It is hope I have for every mother.
15. Love myself through the dark times, too. No matter how prepared I felt, the newborn stage will always be dark. This is ok. Finding the little rays of light guided me through it in love.
16. Be exactly enough for my family. Realizing that my family is cared for, while also leaning on support to keep going, is sometimes all that is needed in my little world.
17. Settle into the cozy and slow pace of life. While I yearn to have endless opportunities to create, being present in the slow and steady is exactly what my family, and most importantly I, need out of life. There is peace and hope in this mindset.
18. Get published. I saved this one for last because, out of every item on this list, I think I am the most proud of this right here. Okay, maybe birthing my child, but this is a super close second. And not because it carries high accolades or status or success. I am most proud of this because it is something I have wanted most dearly over the last few years but I have always been too afraid to admit it. Writing continues to be an art that gives me so much joy and satisfaction. It also challenges me the most. It’s hard. Both the process as well as just finding the time for it. But there is also great vulnerability in writing and speaking a dream. Yet still, one day, with a bouncing baby in my arms and a couple hours before preschool pickup, I decided I wanted to write and so I did. That’s all it took. I didn’t overthink it (too much.) I just wrote, submitted and waited. And it was published.
This became one of my favorite explorations of Enough this year. Being slow and patient and content in being Enough is a valuable lesson. But so is the lesson in realizing there can be Enough time for the things that matter. Maybe not as much as I want or as often as I want. But if I lean in just a little bit, I can find just Enough of what I need.
Eighteen lessons all leading me to realize that everything I have, everything I do, everything I am, it is ALL Enough, and is certainly as good as a feast.