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On Diversifing your Parenting Portfolio

March 14, 2018 Rachel Nevergall
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This tale can be presented one of two ways.

The glass half empty story is titled as such: Don't judge your day by the Unicorn day.

What's a Unicorn Day, you might ask? Sounds pretty great, right? (I know a certain five year old who would declare every day Unicorn Day if she could.) Well, in parenting standards, a Unicorn Day is that magical day when everything you do in your parenting journey goes right. It's that day when you decided to try all those ridiculous blog posts you read about (never this blog, of course) with promises like GET YOUR KID TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! or STOP SIBLING SPATS! or HOW MY TODDLER STARTED EATING VEGETABLES WITH JOY! And they ACTUALLY WORK!  Just like that. Like magic, you suddenly have the secret to solving all your parenting strategies. This is the point where you want to reach for your phone and message your sister or your mom tribe or your entire Instagram platform announcing "I have arrived!" You start dreaming of happier afternoons or mornings or evening or whatever was the struggle before because you finally have the magical pill to fix all your ailments. You are basking in the honeymoon stage of a parenting job well done. It's ecstasy, I tell you. 

Except that it's not. Sorry if that was blunt. Remember. This is the glass half empty side of the story. This is actually what we call the Unicorn Day. Whether the moon was aligned just right or your hormones are clicking in the best kind of way or your children momentarily forgot their main focus of challenging all parental input. Either way, the day, is just that. A day. One day. One single day in the Amazing Race of raising small people into big people. And yes, like a Unicorn, it was beautiful and lovely and made everyone happy. But the trap is thinking the Unicorn is now a permanent fixture in the barn yard. The Unicorn is mysterious and beautiful but also fleeting and hard to catch. And if you make the mistake of assuming that Unicorn will stick around for you to live this life of rainbows and glitter, you are going to be so disappointed to wake up the next morning only to find your barnyard is just chickens, and pigs, and horses. Is this analogy making any sense?

What I am saying is I have learned over and over and over again, always the hard way, that as soon as I think I fixed some stage and found my new beautiful normal, the day changes. Actually, let's be honest, it usually changes within minutes. And instead of appreciating that moment for what it was, a Unicorn moment that was a lovely gift, I am left disappointed, cheated, defeated.

I still feel this let down from time to time. I have a short term memory for parenting lessons. And the glass half empty part of this story is that yes that new strategy did work once, but don't expect it to work every time. It's never that simple. See it for what it was, a unicorn to be admired from a distance, and get back to the barnyard days of parenting.

I hope if you have listened enough to my words over the years you know that living a glass half empty perspective is not how I like to go through life.

So let me introduce a different way of thinking, the positive lesson I like to call: Diversifying your Parenting Portfolio.

Let's take one of my trickiest time of days to exemplify this, shall we? The Witching Hour. Yes, it's a parenting cliche. It's that time of nightmares from post nap/school pick up time until the dinner and bed time routine begins. This is when children are hungry, cranky, wired, clingy, demanding, short fused, and on and on and on. And let's face it, so are we. I am forever seeking that perfect fix to get to the finish line of a quiet house. And I have tried so. many. things. I have tried cooking dinner earlier in the day so I am focused and available for my children. I have tried getting them to help me in the kitchen. I have tried screen time, no screen time, healthy snacks, no snacks, endless snacks. I have set up art activities. I have read books. I have gone for walks or set up indoor obstacle courses. I could go on and on and on.

And each time something seems to be working, at first I would get myself caught up in the lure of the siren sound of the Unicorn. But when it stopped working the very next day, I would immediately take it off the list with resounding bitterness. Tried that. Not gonna make that mistake again. Moving on. Or maybe WE WILL NEVER MOVE ON (That last thought was on those REALLY bad days.)

Today was another day like any other day. I needed to cook dinner, I needed to clean the kitchen, and I needed to also feel like my children were getting the necessary attention they need to make it through this challenging part of their day. On a whim, I turned on a story podcast. I knew the 5 year old wanted me to read to her but I just didn't have the capacity for that in the moment. Having another person read books seemed like a good stand in. And the three year old really just wanted to be on the counter "helping" me with dinner. I handed him a spoon and told him to scoop.

These sound like great strategies right? Surely you pinned that on Pinterest before or flagged it in a blog post to refer to some day. Maybe you heard it on a podcast. Or maybe you have yourself tried this already. Listening to stories, helping in the kitchen, these aren't magical pills. In fact, I too have tried these before. Many times before. And with very inconsistent results. Somebody thinks the stories are boring and would rather watch a show. Somebody dumps an entire box of salt onto the dinner ingredients and steals my zen moment from cooking. Whatever the problem, I have walked away from these great ideas with frustration and defeat. 

But today, miracle of all rainbow colored miracle, it worked. He scooped the food onto a sheet pan for me as I chopped, with narrowed focus. She sat on the couch intent and doodling and flipping quietly through picture books asking for another story as each one finished. There was no screaming, by children or parent. There were no messes being created. Chores were getting accomplished. Learning was happening. 

It was magical. 

And what I discovered was that today, pulling out these ideas to make it through another challenging moment was not difficult. I had them banked already for future use. Yeah, maybe they didn't work once before, but that didn't mean they wouldn't work again. And it also doesn't mean they will work tomorrow. 

What I am finding is so beneficial to my well being as a parent is instead of looking for that one thing that I can do really really well with accurate success rate, I work best when I have many options to go to in my Mary Poppins bag. The more I try with my kids, the more I have to choose from in the moment. If I arm myself with options to try and keep trying again, then I won't get so defeated by that one time it didn't work. That's ok. We'll try it again another time.

It's not just about being more adaptable in your parenting, although that can help, it's also about being willing to try again when something doesn't work. Being open to all the different ways to help them sleep, eat, play, and learn is also seeing them as growing and changing people, people with good days and bad days, unicorn moments and chicken moments. 

I couldn't begin to fully explain what it means to diversify your financial portfolio but I think it means the more options you have, the greater your success rate. Today I highlighted podcast story time and scooping tasks during dinner prep as successful possibilities in my parenting portfolio. I feel like my success rate just took a big leap in my future earnings as a parent. That's the kind of magic I can be proud of. 

So tell me, what's in your parenting portfolio? I think we could all use some more diversifying. 

← 2018 Reading SyllabusA Grown Up Book Report//What I Learned+Favorite Books of 2017 →
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Hi there! I'm Rachel.

I believe each morning is a fresh start and I believe hot coffee is step one. 

It is here that I celebrate each day as an opportunity to seek the creative inside both our children and ourselves so that we can all       raise and shine. 

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If I showed you the sweet picture of the hairstyle I gave her for crazy hair meets Valentine’s day, would you also believe me that I don’t remember when she last bathed?

If I shared the fun crafty Valentine we made for his class would you also believe me that my house looks like a fraternity house at the end of a raging party?

If I show the darling babe all snuggled up under my chin that makes my heart burst with unspeakable joy, would you also believe me when I say parenting three is the hardest thing I have yet done in my parenting life?

Sometimes in these little squares, I have so much fear that I might post something that makes someone’s heart shrink a little bit with guilt or inadequacy. I worry you will think I am something you are not and that will make you feel smaller than you deserve to be, when in fact I struggle too. So much.

But then, if I keep quiet, not only am I not allowing myself to show you exactly who I am, how I like to love on my people, and what just makes me happy, I am thus not leaving space for you to do so as well.

If these things brings you joy, too, hurray. If something else does, I celebrate you. And if you aren’t in a space of joy, I’m sitting her with you too. And sending you ❤️. Never alone.

This has been my struggle for years. I saw self care as (by my)self care. And it seems it only got harder and harder to care for myself as I fought to be alone.

And so I’m trying something new. I’m learning to find the peace I need in my day right along side them.

So I move WITH them in tow. I read to THEM, as long as it something of MY choosing. I pick up a paint brush too when they paint.

And hopefully all this togetherness is teaching them what matters to me and my day too.

Shared on the blog today how I practice my *What Feels Right* list from yesterday when I can’t be alone.

What’s your go to care strategy when your little ones tag along? I test as a Highly Sensitive Person. 🙋🏻‍♀️Anyone else?

I like to think of myself as a noticer. From the way the snow sounds when it hits the ground to his sweet sigh as he nestles into sleep in my arms. I feel it all. And I mean ALL.

This can be a beautiful way to look at life, but it can also be EXHAUSTING.

But I decided to start using this skill for the better. I started to pay close attention to my day to notice patterns of when I feel off and when I feel right.

My list is not revolutionary. It is nothing you don’t already know to be true. But sometimes we need to really acknowledge the simple ways we can manage our days to feel joy, to feel peace, to just feel right.

Sharing my list of What Feels Right on the blog today to maybe inspire you to pay attention to your own list.✨Now your turn...What Feels Right to you? Yes his sweatshirt is on backwards. Yes this happens on the regular. It’s become his signature look. But the important thing is he got himself dressed and no one had to use their angry voice!

I am quite excited to introduce a new series on the blog today called ☀️Raise your Mom Game☀️ It’s a way to share the great ideas learned from regular, cool, smart moms (and dads) like us. I believe parents are super heroes with powers to battle the everyday parenting struggles. And they are willing and happy to share these with fellow superhero parents so we can all win.

It’s not about the quick fix, because none of us are broken. We just sometimes need a fresh perspective to tackle familiar challenges in parenting, another play in the playbook, tool in the toolbox, option in the portfolio. Am I giving you enough metaphors here?

Today, I go first with my big frustration in getting kids dressed. I feature two great ideas for both of my kids from fellow parents @kelseywilliams and @ladderica. And I filmed one in the stories so go check it out. After you read the post, of course 😉. And remember, this is a village. So please share with me how you are Raising your Mom Game. And what helps you Shine.☀️ “...I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.” Louisa May Alcott

She opened up 6 crisp white books, completely blank, exactly as she asked them to be, for writing down her own stories. Obviously I was thrilled to grant this Christmas wish. It wasn’t 5 minutes later that I turned around to find her set up at the dining room table, pen in hand, words flowing to the book. “Now you realize these are special, right. You can’t throw them away and start over if it isn’t just as you want it to be.” “I know.” Barely glancing up. Back to work.  Her confidence and self assurance just taunting me.

She has no trouble diving in. She doesn’t worry about where the ending is taking her. She doesn’t hesitate and doubt herself along the way.

She just BEGINS.

It is with this same resolve that I choose to take with me throughout this new year. To not hesitate with my step one. And to not be afraid to be new at something.

Last year I explored being enough. And with that I determined, there is also enough time, space, energy to take more step ones.

To BEGIN.

Introducing my 2019 word of the year ✨BEGIN✨ on the blog today.

A month in and I already love where this word is taking me. My skin is still soft from the humidity of Texas, and my heart, and stomach, are full in the way only a winter escape can bring. But it feels right to be home. It feels right to see snow softly falling in February. And to be all piled up together as a family again. ❤️❤️❤️ You know that welcoming feeling you get when you go home to mom and dads?

They make you your favorite meals. You take comfort in the familiar space. You just feel so warm and loved and cared for.

We got that welcomed feeling when we made it back to our old home in Austin town this weekend.

We had all our favorite meals, barbecue, tacos, queso, more tacos. Memories flooded us around every corner, date nights, family adventures, milestones crossed. And most importantly, we got to feel loved by “family,” or rather the friends that became family when you needed it most.

This is how it should be when you make a place a home, no matter how short the time was in your life. It should make itself a little home in your heart and always open its arms wide to you when you come back.

So glad we will always have Austin.

And tacos. 🌮 Confession time... I sometimes daydream about being a mom of just one baby.

Not that I don’t love each and every one of my kids more than my heart can even find words for, because obvi I don’t even need to clarify that for you.

It’s just that this multiple and different needs thing all at once is very very hard on my brain capacity. And also my heart.

I sometimes dream of a world where I get to have each of my babies one day at a time. And then we all come together for one big epic fun filled Sunday as a family of five. Wouldn’t that be fun??!! But then I see the oldest reading a book to the middle. Or the middle tickled with himself at how he can make the baby giggle. Or there’s the epic family snuggle sessions in the king size bed before someone, all of them, demand breakfast. And then I remember we are right where we need to be and who we need to be with.

But also sometimes it’s super fun to just be with one. We snuck away together with our baby to a place that still has a piece of our heart, Texas. And while I miss the other two, it feels like a gift to enjoy that stage where it’s just you and me and a baby makes three. I can hardly remember him that tiny, but I’ll never forget when she started reading to them. 📚 Reading creates strong memories, doesn’t it. “For some it’s a physical place in which I remember reading. The beach, the hammock, the couch under a blanket. For others, it’s a place in time. A difficult pregnancy. A foggy newborn stage. A challenging stage of parenting. And for some, it’s a moment that I realize is one of a momentous milestone. Like seeing her read a book for the first time. Or reading our first chapter book series together.” Eighteen Memorable Book Moments in 2018 on the blog today. The answer to snow-mo and other FOMO related cases (see last post if you are confused 😊) ?? Be a noticer.

As promised, I shared about my process of creating a Reverse Bucket List on the blog today.

You don’t need a fancy planner, a complicated system, or even a lot of time. You just need a photo storage system of your choice, a few questions I list in the post, and a couple of minutes to do some thinking.

It’s my own way of doing goals and reflection. But I would love to see what you learn too. So I’m creating a hashtag!! Tell me how it works for you with #raiseandshineandnotice 🥳
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away”
— Pablo Picasso
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