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Friday Tales// The Dinner Distress

June 10, 2016 Rachel Nevergall
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There are parts of my former life, the me-before-you parenting edition, that I have more or less patiently let go.

The ability to sleep passed the hour of 6 AM, basically gone. Even when away from children, my internal alarm clock dings bright and early nonetheless. I have very easily made terms with this. I'm a morning person so this one is okay. 

Spontaneous late night plans, because we used to have a very wild and crazy life before our children came along in case you didn't know me before (and if you did know me, just play along like you remember me and all that crazy spontaneity.) Now an evening out requires pre-planned sitters and juggling the getting ready hour with the witching hour and still being woken up early the next day making the "spontaneous fun" just leave you with a numbing headache and a child or two to care for. 

And then there is dinner. I used to enjoy dinner. While some would talk of the nagging chore that is meal planning and preparing a whole meal after the end of a long day, I looked upon with delight and anticipation. The ritual of chopping and stirring was therapeutic for me. I could feel the stress draining from my chest each day. And sitting down to share this meal was one of my greatest acts of service. 

Then along came baby, and this like many of my pre-children rituals should likely have receded into the storage box of former life fulfillment. But it didn't. I wouldn't let it go. And for some time I didn't really need to. While the pressure of a hungry baby turned toddler did add an interesting challenge, I adapted smoothly. And my first child was a delight. She joyfully went off with Dad so I could cook, or at the very least was distractible for a few minutes while I got something in a pan. Come meal time, she was happy to eat her dinner, and when she didn't she would sit between us like the precious first child that she was basking in the unlimited attention as we shared the stories of our day. Before long we would say "gosh would you look at the time, I suppose we ought to be getting you to bed."

As you can predict, I should have seen it coming. Eventually the meal time insanity would surely catch up with me and I would be left behind like all the other parents with crying children and thrown food, vowing to only cook from the freezer for the next ten thousand years. Oh and it did. I'm there. And I'm not handling it well. 

Like a fly to a bug zapper or a mouse to a mouse trap or a fish to a fish hook, I just keep going back for more. This time it will be different. This time they will let me cook in peace. This time they will Iike the food. This time we will enjoy one another's company and I will get to eat every last bite of my meal while it is still warm! (Can you hear the rising music of success?)

I have not worked through this one yet. I am defeated nearly every single time. This little part of the former me is hanging on ever so tightly but she is losing. And it is embarrassing how badly she is losing. She needs to let it go like all the other things.  

But when a part of your creative expression is slowly being ripped from your hands you feel like you are letting go of your soul. It may sound dramatic (whaaaa? Me being dramatic????) but I just can't seem to make sense of it yet. I'm flailing around as if surprised at every turn that it's not working. It's not honorable tenacity I'm demonstrating but stubborn and bitter hopelessness. That does not look good on me. You might say in the dinner department I am Raising but not yet Shining.

We don't always have things figured out in parenting. If we did, there would be nothing to write about here. So I put this in the category of "work in progress." I gladly welcome any encouraging words of wisdom for making it through this season of my life where dinner is more nightmare than pleasantry. Until I can figure it out and maybe let it go, I am at least celebrating those moments when I do glimpse a bit of the light of the ghost of dinner's past. Today on Hey Sis Try This I speak on this dinner time conundrum and share a meal that may require more attention than the frozen meal you had planned but just might be greeted with a few delighted faces. Because who can cry at Spaghetti and Meatballs, or in this case "Meat"balls? And while I'm working through the stages of grief at the loss of my former dinner loving self, at least I can drown my sorrows in a big bowl of comfort food. 

Hope your weekend includes at least one delightful cryless meal, or at least a cocktail during happy hour! 

← Yes, your Mama works.What to Do When Pretend Play Feels Like Torture →
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Hi there! I'm Rachel.

I believe each morning is a fresh start and I believe hot coffee is step one. 

It is here that I celebrate each day as an opportunity to seek the creative inside both our children and ourselves so that we can all       raise and shine. 

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If I showed you the sweet picture of the hairstyle I gave her for crazy hair meets Valentine’s day, would you also believe me that I don’t remember when she last bathed?

If I shared the fun crafty Valentine we made for his class would you also believe me that my house looks like a fraternity house at the end of a raging party?

If I show the darling babe all snuggled up under my chin that makes my heart burst with unspeakable joy, would you also believe me when I say parenting three is the hardest thing I have yet done in my parenting life?

Sometimes in these little squares, I have so much fear that I might post something that makes someone’s heart shrink a little bit with guilt or inadequacy. I worry you will think I am something you are not and that will make you feel smaller than you deserve to be, when in fact I struggle too. So much.

But then, if I keep quiet, not only am I not allowing myself to show you exactly who I am, how I like to love on my people, and what just makes me happy, I am thus not leaving space for you to do so as well.

If these things brings you joy, too, hurray. If something else does, I celebrate you. And if you aren’t in a space of joy, I’m sitting her with you too. And sending you ❤️. Never alone.

This has been my struggle for years. I saw self care as (by my)self care. And it seems it only got harder and harder to care for myself as I fought to be alone.

And so I’m trying something new. I’m learning to find the peace I need in my day right along side them.

So I move WITH them in tow. I read to THEM, as long as it something of MY choosing. I pick up a paint brush too when they paint.

And hopefully all this togetherness is teaching them what matters to me and my day too.

Shared on the blog today how I practice my *What Feels Right* list from yesterday when I can’t be alone.

What’s your go to care strategy when your little ones tag along? I test as a Highly Sensitive Person. 🙋🏻‍♀️Anyone else?

I like to think of myself as a noticer. From the way the snow sounds when it hits the ground to his sweet sigh as he nestles into sleep in my arms. I feel it all. And I mean ALL.

This can be a beautiful way to look at life, but it can also be EXHAUSTING.

But I decided to start using this skill for the better. I started to pay close attention to my day to notice patterns of when I feel off and when I feel right.

My list is not revolutionary. It is nothing you don’t already know to be true. But sometimes we need to really acknowledge the simple ways we can manage our days to feel joy, to feel peace, to just feel right.

Sharing my list of What Feels Right on the blog today to maybe inspire you to pay attention to your own list.✨Now your turn...What Feels Right to you? Yes his sweatshirt is on backwards. Yes this happens on the regular. It’s become his signature look. But the important thing is he got himself dressed and no one had to use their angry voice!

I am quite excited to introduce a new series on the blog today called ☀️Raise your Mom Game☀️ It’s a way to share the great ideas learned from regular, cool, smart moms (and dads) like us. I believe parents are super heroes with powers to battle the everyday parenting struggles. And they are willing and happy to share these with fellow superhero parents so we can all win.

It’s not about the quick fix, because none of us are broken. We just sometimes need a fresh perspective to tackle familiar challenges in parenting, another play in the playbook, tool in the toolbox, option in the portfolio. Am I giving you enough metaphors here?

Today, I go first with my big frustration in getting kids dressed. I feature two great ideas for both of my kids from fellow parents @kelseywilliams and @ladderica. And I filmed one in the stories so go check it out. After you read the post, of course 😉. And remember, this is a village. So please share with me how you are Raising your Mom Game. And what helps you Shine.☀️ “...I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.” Louisa May Alcott

She opened up 6 crisp white books, completely blank, exactly as she asked them to be, for writing down her own stories. Obviously I was thrilled to grant this Christmas wish. It wasn’t 5 minutes later that I turned around to find her set up at the dining room table, pen in hand, words flowing to the book. “Now you realize these are special, right. You can’t throw them away and start over if it isn’t just as you want it to be.” “I know.” Barely glancing up. Back to work.  Her confidence and self assurance just taunting me.

She has no trouble diving in. She doesn’t worry about where the ending is taking her. She doesn’t hesitate and doubt herself along the way.

She just BEGINS.

It is with this same resolve that I choose to take with me throughout this new year. To not hesitate with my step one. And to not be afraid to be new at something.

Last year I explored being enough. And with that I determined, there is also enough time, space, energy to take more step ones.

To BEGIN.

Introducing my 2019 word of the year ✨BEGIN✨ on the blog today.

A month in and I already love where this word is taking me. My skin is still soft from the humidity of Texas, and my heart, and stomach, are full in the way only a winter escape can bring. But it feels right to be home. It feels right to see snow softly falling in February. And to be all piled up together as a family again. ❤️❤️❤️ You know that welcoming feeling you get when you go home to mom and dads?

They make you your favorite meals. You take comfort in the familiar space. You just feel so warm and loved and cared for.

We got that welcomed feeling when we made it back to our old home in Austin town this weekend.

We had all our favorite meals, barbecue, tacos, queso, more tacos. Memories flooded us around every corner, date nights, family adventures, milestones crossed. And most importantly, we got to feel loved by “family,” or rather the friends that became family when you needed it most.

This is how it should be when you make a place a home, no matter how short the time was in your life. It should make itself a little home in your heart and always open its arms wide to you when you come back.

So glad we will always have Austin.

And tacos. 🌮 Confession time... I sometimes daydream about being a mom of just one baby.

Not that I don’t love each and every one of my kids more than my heart can even find words for, because obvi I don’t even need to clarify that for you.

It’s just that this multiple and different needs thing all at once is very very hard on my brain capacity. And also my heart.

I sometimes dream of a world where I get to have each of my babies one day at a time. And then we all come together for one big epic fun filled Sunday as a family of five. Wouldn’t that be fun??!! But then I see the oldest reading a book to the middle. Or the middle tickled with himself at how he can make the baby giggle. Or there’s the epic family snuggle sessions in the king size bed before someone, all of them, demand breakfast. And then I remember we are right where we need to be and who we need to be with.

But also sometimes it’s super fun to just be with one. We snuck away together with our baby to a place that still has a piece of our heart, Texas. And while I miss the other two, it feels like a gift to enjoy that stage where it’s just you and me and a baby makes three. I can hardly remember him that tiny, but I’ll never forget when she started reading to them. 📚 Reading creates strong memories, doesn’t it. “For some it’s a physical place in which I remember reading. The beach, the hammock, the couch under a blanket. For others, it’s a place in time. A difficult pregnancy. A foggy newborn stage. A challenging stage of parenting. And for some, it’s a moment that I realize is one of a momentous milestone. Like seeing her read a book for the first time. Or reading our first chapter book series together.” Eighteen Memorable Book Moments in 2018 on the blog today. The answer to snow-mo and other FOMO related cases (see last post if you are confused 😊) ?? Be a noticer.

As promised, I shared about my process of creating a Reverse Bucket List on the blog today.

You don’t need a fancy planner, a complicated system, or even a lot of time. You just need a photo storage system of your choice, a few questions I list in the post, and a couple of minutes to do some thinking.

It’s my own way of doing goals and reflection. But I would love to see what you learn too. So I’m creating a hashtag!! Tell me how it works for you with #raiseandshineandnotice 🥳
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away”
— Pablo Picasso
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