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A Macaroni Necklace of Thanks to all who Mother

May 8, 2016 Rachel Nevergall
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“Pretend this is a macaroni necklace that I made for you out of glue and yarn. I think that’s what you’re supposed to give a woman who loves and nurtures and shows up…and that’s exactly what you do for me.”
— Kelle Hampton, Enjoying the Small Things

Mother’s day is laced with all the feels, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the all in and left out. As a people pleaser, I want to hold the hand of all of the people in all of the seasons of life and let them know I care. I have not the time or mental space to do this. But I do have words. Words are always at the waiting.

I came across this post with examples of such words you might use to let all those beautiful people in your life, those who nurture and care and love on you, let them know how you feel. A mother was always just my very own mother. But now, as one, I can see a mother is not just the woman who I first called mom. This mother deserves all my love and attention, but so do all the others who love and nurture and care for me. On this day of honoring those who "mother," I offer my gift of gratitude, the macaroni necklace of thanks, through my words:

Thank you for that dinner you brought me, the casserole, the salad, the cookies, even the paper plates so I wouldn’t have to do dishes. We needed that. It was so good. For our bellies and for our minds and for our hearts.

Thank you for that group text conversation in the middle of the day for no reason other than to share about the guy on the train that led to a conversation about nothing at all. I laughed. So hard. For the first time that day. You thought of me. You know I don’t have time to pick up the phone, or respond to an email or meet up for coffee in four different states. So you texted and it made my whole day.

Thank you for traveling to me to be here with our family. This state is big and the road is boring. But you know that connecting in person is important too. You know that your presence in our home to hold my babies and eat my food and let me welcome you in the way that I can’t long distance is good for my soul.

Thank you for the card you wrote that was created or purchased, the note that was eloquently worded or just a simple I love you, the care package that greeted us at the door with the giddy joy and anticipation of a surprise. That is an art I just don’t practice enough but you taught me it can mean so much.

Thank you for the nod and knowing smile you sent my way across the pew in church where we both spent the hour shushing and wrangling and retrieving and praying for the closing hymn. You get that it’s hard. And you are happy that we are just here. Showing up. For our children and for each other and for God.

Thank you for washing the dishes and reading the books and wiping the bottoms and taking the walks so I could be alone, with my thoughts, with my craft, with my dreams.

Thank you for writing that article that touched me to my very core, that inspired the art, that made me laugh, that got me to think. I have never met you and never will but your gift of words set my soul on fire. 

Thank you for reading my words, liking and sharing and commenting on the work. This craft is for me, it truly is, but without an audience I might not push on, I might not ever know that my voice is important. I might not get to connect across this wide world with people who are living the lives and feeling the feels and thinking the thoughts that I am each day. It’s inspiring and motivating and grounding.

This macaroni necklace or puffy paint tea towel or handprint acrostic poem or clay ash tray or whatever it is that was made with love and admiration and craft supplies, this is my gift to you for being there and showing up, for nurturing and caring, for thinking and loving. For all the little ways you have mothered me, I say thank you to you today, on this day of honoring those who do all this, the mothers and the “mothers.”

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Hi there! I'm Rachel.

I believe each morning is a fresh start and I believe hot coffee is step one. 

It is here that I celebrate each day as an opportunity to seek the creative inside both our children and ourselves so that we can all       raise and shine. 

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If I showed you the sweet picture of the hairstyle I gave her for crazy hair meets Valentine’s day, would you also believe me that I don’t remember when she last bathed?

If I shared the fun crafty Valentine we made for his class would you also believe me that my house looks like a fraternity house at the end of a raging party?

If I show the darling babe all snuggled up under my chin that makes my heart burst with unspeakable joy, would you also believe me when I say parenting three is the hardest thing I have yet done in my parenting life?

Sometimes in these little squares, I have so much fear that I might post something that makes someone’s heart shrink a little bit with guilt or inadequacy. I worry you will think I am something you are not and that will make you feel smaller than you deserve to be, when in fact I struggle too. So much.

But then, if I keep quiet, not only am I not allowing myself to show you exactly who I am, how I like to love on my people, and what just makes me happy, I am thus not leaving space for you to do so as well.

If these things brings you joy, too, hurray. If something else does, I celebrate you. And if you aren’t in a space of joy, I’m sitting her with you too. And sending you ❤️. Never alone.

This has been my struggle for years. I saw self care as (by my)self care. And it seems it only got harder and harder to care for myself as I fought to be alone.

And so I’m trying something new. I’m learning to find the peace I need in my day right along side them.

So I move WITH them in tow. I read to THEM, as long as it something of MY choosing. I pick up a paint brush too when they paint.

And hopefully all this togetherness is teaching them what matters to me and my day too.

Shared on the blog today how I practice my *What Feels Right* list from yesterday when I can’t be alone.

What’s your go to care strategy when your little ones tag along? I test as a Highly Sensitive Person. 🙋🏻‍♀️Anyone else?

I like to think of myself as a noticer. From the way the snow sounds when it hits the ground to his sweet sigh as he nestles into sleep in my arms. I feel it all. And I mean ALL.

This can be a beautiful way to look at life, but it can also be EXHAUSTING.

But I decided to start using this skill for the better. I started to pay close attention to my day to notice patterns of when I feel off and when I feel right.

My list is not revolutionary. It is nothing you don’t already know to be true. But sometimes we need to really acknowledge the simple ways we can manage our days to feel joy, to feel peace, to just feel right.

Sharing my list of What Feels Right on the blog today to maybe inspire you to pay attention to your own list.✨Now your turn...What Feels Right to you? Yes his sweatshirt is on backwards. Yes this happens on the regular. It’s become his signature look. But the important thing is he got himself dressed and no one had to use their angry voice!

I am quite excited to introduce a new series on the blog today called ☀️Raise your Mom Game☀️ It’s a way to share the great ideas learned from regular, cool, smart moms (and dads) like us. I believe parents are super heroes with powers to battle the everyday parenting struggles. And they are willing and happy to share these with fellow superhero parents so we can all win.

It’s not about the quick fix, because none of us are broken. We just sometimes need a fresh perspective to tackle familiar challenges in parenting, another play in the playbook, tool in the toolbox, option in the portfolio. Am I giving you enough metaphors here?

Today, I go first with my big frustration in getting kids dressed. I feature two great ideas for both of my kids from fellow parents @kelseywilliams and @ladderica. And I filmed one in the stories so go check it out. After you read the post, of course 😉. And remember, this is a village. So please share with me how you are Raising your Mom Game. And what helps you Shine.☀️ “...I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.” Louisa May Alcott

She opened up 6 crisp white books, completely blank, exactly as she asked them to be, for writing down her own stories. Obviously I was thrilled to grant this Christmas wish. It wasn’t 5 minutes later that I turned around to find her set up at the dining room table, pen in hand, words flowing to the book. “Now you realize these are special, right. You can’t throw them away and start over if it isn’t just as you want it to be.” “I know.” Barely glancing up. Back to work.  Her confidence and self assurance just taunting me.

She has no trouble diving in. She doesn’t worry about where the ending is taking her. She doesn’t hesitate and doubt herself along the way.

She just BEGINS.

It is with this same resolve that I choose to take with me throughout this new year. To not hesitate with my step one. And to not be afraid to be new at something.

Last year I explored being enough. And with that I determined, there is also enough time, space, energy to take more step ones.

To BEGIN.

Introducing my 2019 word of the year ✨BEGIN✨ on the blog today.

A month in and I already love where this word is taking me. My skin is still soft from the humidity of Texas, and my heart, and stomach, are full in the way only a winter escape can bring. But it feels right to be home. It feels right to see snow softly falling in February. And to be all piled up together as a family again. ❤️❤️❤️ You know that welcoming feeling you get when you go home to mom and dads?

They make you your favorite meals. You take comfort in the familiar space. You just feel so warm and loved and cared for.

We got that welcomed feeling when we made it back to our old home in Austin town this weekend.

We had all our favorite meals, barbecue, tacos, queso, more tacos. Memories flooded us around every corner, date nights, family adventures, milestones crossed. And most importantly, we got to feel loved by “family,” or rather the friends that became family when you needed it most.

This is how it should be when you make a place a home, no matter how short the time was in your life. It should make itself a little home in your heart and always open its arms wide to you when you come back.

So glad we will always have Austin.

And tacos. 🌮 Confession time... I sometimes daydream about being a mom of just one baby.

Not that I don’t love each and every one of my kids more than my heart can even find words for, because obvi I don’t even need to clarify that for you.

It’s just that this multiple and different needs thing all at once is very very hard on my brain capacity. And also my heart.

I sometimes dream of a world where I get to have each of my babies one day at a time. And then we all come together for one big epic fun filled Sunday as a family of five. Wouldn’t that be fun??!! But then I see the oldest reading a book to the middle. Or the middle tickled with himself at how he can make the baby giggle. Or there’s the epic family snuggle sessions in the king size bed before someone, all of them, demand breakfast. And then I remember we are right where we need to be and who we need to be with.

But also sometimes it’s super fun to just be with one. We snuck away together with our baby to a place that still has a piece of our heart, Texas. And while I miss the other two, it feels like a gift to enjoy that stage where it’s just you and me and a baby makes three. I can hardly remember him that tiny, but I’ll never forget when she started reading to them. 📚 Reading creates strong memories, doesn’t it. “For some it’s a physical place in which I remember reading. The beach, the hammock, the couch under a blanket. For others, it’s a place in time. A difficult pregnancy. A foggy newborn stage. A challenging stage of parenting. And for some, it’s a moment that I realize is one of a momentous milestone. Like seeing her read a book for the first time. Or reading our first chapter book series together.” Eighteen Memorable Book Moments in 2018 on the blog today. The answer to snow-mo and other FOMO related cases (see last post if you are confused 😊) ?? Be a noticer.

As promised, I shared about my process of creating a Reverse Bucket List on the blog today.

You don’t need a fancy planner, a complicated system, or even a lot of time. You just need a photo storage system of your choice, a few questions I list in the post, and a couple of minutes to do some thinking.

It’s my own way of doing goals and reflection. But I would love to see what you learn too. So I’m creating a hashtag!! Tell me how it works for you with #raiseandshineandnotice 🥳
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away”
— Pablo Picasso
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