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The Nesting Place

April 28, 2016 Rachel Nevergall
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“Your Home Should Rise Up to Greet You.”
— Nate Berkus

Easy for you to say Mr. Berkus. I’m sure the home you have decorated through your eyes just rolls out the red carpet on your return. But what about the rest of us? I can tell you right now that the polka dot dog pee stains and the child size mud footprints and the stack of 3 months’ worth of junk mail piled on the console table is NOT welcoming me home. It might as well be saying “Oh hey, about time you showed up. I hope you weren’t planning on taking a rest because you’ve got some work to do here.”

We have called this little place home for nearly a year now. But I don’t believe I have fully moved in yet. That’s not to say we aren’t completely happy with the move, because we are. We truly are. We still say that every time we go for a family walk to a local park or check out a new restaurant just minutes from our home. As we watch the kids play in the yard and greet the neighbors.  As we listen to both children talking and giggling in their room as we sit downstairs on the couch drinking our morning coffee. This move felt risky a year ago. Big city. Small space. Another exhausting move. But today, we know without a doubt that we made the best decision for us.

So why don’t I feel moved in?

(Photo Source)

(Photo Source)

I just finished reading this book and it changed everything for me. The Nesting Place by Myquillyn Smith was written specifically to help me. The mother of littles. The renter with complaints. The lover of design with zero time and less money. The subtitle of the book says it all…

“It Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Beautiful.”
— Myquillyn Smith, The Nesting Place

Myquillyn comes with answers from an expert past having lived in fourteen homes during her marriage. Through trial, error, and many a coming-to-Jesus moment, she learned that instead of waiting for the next house she needed to love the one she was in. Instead of lamenting over what she didn’t have in her current home and lifestyle, she needed to embrace the imperfection.

“There is beauty in the lived-in and loved-on and used-just-about-up. Imperfections actually play a starring role in our homes and lives. Imperfections put people at ease. Once we learn to accept and find beauty in the imperfections, we are free to take a risk in our home and create the home we’ve always wanted.”
— Myquillyn Smith, The Nesting Place

This was my problem. There are crummy things that come along with a rental: ugly carpet, dated kitchens, beige upon beige upon beige walls. And the final realization that there is very little you can do with this when the space is technically not yours to keep. I expected my home to rise up to greet me and I felt like these things just glared at me when I walked in. The problem wasn’t with the home welcoming me. It was that I had not welcomed the home. I hadn’t made it into the space that spoke to me and my family by layering our own personalities. I was not creating it into what I wanted it to be because I was too afraid of what it wasn’t.  

Taking pride in your home is not just about making a space to feel safe and secure. Especially for my lifestyle, my home is where I work. I create, I nurture, I teach. This home needs to be my everything throughout the day because it is often all I see. And while I am doing all of these tasks, the creating, the nurturing, the teaching, I want to feel alive and feel like me. The dingy carpets and ugly kitchen and Practical Beige walls do not make me feel alive or at all like me.

To balance this, I began to throw color in wherever it fit, in the décor, on the walls, over the floors. I love the vibrancy it brings and I feel it shows that a family lives here, my family. I couldn’t paint these expansive walls, rip up carpets, or even afford new furnishings. So instead, I dreamed of reupholstering chairs, throwing paint on the tired furniture, and repurposing old treasures.

But I worried all this color in layers was too chaotic and not sophisticated enough. I worried it wouldn’t look pulled together. I worried it wasn’t perfect.

Don’t be afraid of perfection, she told me. Don’t be afraid to LIVE in this beautiful crazy imperfect home that looks and feels like it belongs to you, the right now you. Because all of this can and will be changed again. Love it for now. I will begin today.   

I love what the title for the book and her blog begin with: Nest. This is exactly as we should see our homes. As the little mama bird is preparing a space for her little ones, she flits around slowly collecting bits and bobs here and there, little pieces that when taken on their own may seem useless, ugly, imperfect little scraps. But when these little pieces come together they make a home, a space where she will sit comfortably for weeks creating life, a space where she will nurture her new little ones, a space where she will teach them about life and how to live it on their own. A place to create, to nurture, to teach. This is her nest. That she made.

I can do that too. 

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I can’t wait to show you some of the fun little bits and bobs I add to our nest making this space a home that I welcome as much as it welcomes me. It won’t be perfect. But it will be me. Stay tuned. And pick up that book while you wait. 

← Friday Tales//Sensations of SpringThrough the Open Door →
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Hi there! I'm Rachel.

I believe each morning is a fresh start and I believe hot coffee is step one. 

It is here that I celebrate each day as an opportunity to seek the creative inside both our children and ourselves so that we can all       raise and shine. 

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If I showed you the sweet picture of the hairstyle I gave her for crazy hair meets Valentine’s day, would you also believe me that I don’t remember when she last bathed?

If I shared the fun crafty Valentine we made for his class would you also believe me that my house looks like a fraternity house at the end of a raging party?

If I show the darling babe all snuggled up under my chin that makes my heart burst with unspeakable joy, would you also believe me when I say parenting three is the hardest thing I have yet done in my parenting life?

Sometimes in these little squares, I have so much fear that I might post something that makes someone’s heart shrink a little bit with guilt or inadequacy. I worry you will think I am something you are not and that will make you feel smaller than you deserve to be, when in fact I struggle too. So much.

But then, if I keep quiet, not only am I not allowing myself to show you exactly who I am, how I like to love on my people, and what just makes me happy, I am thus not leaving space for you to do so as well.

If these things brings you joy, too, hurray. If something else does, I celebrate you. And if you aren’t in a space of joy, I’m sitting her with you too. And sending you ❤️. Never alone.

This has been my struggle for years. I saw self care as (by my)self care. And it seems it only got harder and harder to care for myself as I fought to be alone.

And so I’m trying something new. I’m learning to find the peace I need in my day right along side them.

So I move WITH them in tow. I read to THEM, as long as it something of MY choosing. I pick up a paint brush too when they paint.

And hopefully all this togetherness is teaching them what matters to me and my day too.

Shared on the blog today how I practice my *What Feels Right* list from yesterday when I can’t be alone.

What’s your go to care strategy when your little ones tag along? I test as a Highly Sensitive Person. 🙋🏻‍♀️Anyone else?

I like to think of myself as a noticer. From the way the snow sounds when it hits the ground to his sweet sigh as he nestles into sleep in my arms. I feel it all. And I mean ALL.

This can be a beautiful way to look at life, but it can also be EXHAUSTING.

But I decided to start using this skill for the better. I started to pay close attention to my day to notice patterns of when I feel off and when I feel right.

My list is not revolutionary. It is nothing you don’t already know to be true. But sometimes we need to really acknowledge the simple ways we can manage our days to feel joy, to feel peace, to just feel right.

Sharing my list of What Feels Right on the blog today to maybe inspire you to pay attention to your own list.✨Now your turn...What Feels Right to you? Yes his sweatshirt is on backwards. Yes this happens on the regular. It’s become his signature look. But the important thing is he got himself dressed and no one had to use their angry voice!

I am quite excited to introduce a new series on the blog today called ☀️Raise your Mom Game☀️ It’s a way to share the great ideas learned from regular, cool, smart moms (and dads) like us. I believe parents are super heroes with powers to battle the everyday parenting struggles. And they are willing and happy to share these with fellow superhero parents so we can all win.

It’s not about the quick fix, because none of us are broken. We just sometimes need a fresh perspective to tackle familiar challenges in parenting, another play in the playbook, tool in the toolbox, option in the portfolio. Am I giving you enough metaphors here?

Today, I go first with my big frustration in getting kids dressed. I feature two great ideas for both of my kids from fellow parents @kelseywilliams and @ladderica. And I filmed one in the stories so go check it out. After you read the post, of course 😉. And remember, this is a village. So please share with me how you are Raising your Mom Game. And what helps you Shine.☀️ “...I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.” Louisa May Alcott

She opened up 6 crisp white books, completely blank, exactly as she asked them to be, for writing down her own stories. Obviously I was thrilled to grant this Christmas wish. It wasn’t 5 minutes later that I turned around to find her set up at the dining room table, pen in hand, words flowing to the book. “Now you realize these are special, right. You can’t throw them away and start over if it isn’t just as you want it to be.” “I know.” Barely glancing up. Back to work.  Her confidence and self assurance just taunting me.

She has no trouble diving in. She doesn’t worry about where the ending is taking her. She doesn’t hesitate and doubt herself along the way.

She just BEGINS.

It is with this same resolve that I choose to take with me throughout this new year. To not hesitate with my step one. And to not be afraid to be new at something.

Last year I explored being enough. And with that I determined, there is also enough time, space, energy to take more step ones.

To BEGIN.

Introducing my 2019 word of the year ✨BEGIN✨ on the blog today.

A month in and I already love where this word is taking me. My skin is still soft from the humidity of Texas, and my heart, and stomach, are full in the way only a winter escape can bring. But it feels right to be home. It feels right to see snow softly falling in February. And to be all piled up together as a family again. ❤️❤️❤️ You know that welcoming feeling you get when you go home to mom and dads?

They make you your favorite meals. You take comfort in the familiar space. You just feel so warm and loved and cared for.

We got that welcomed feeling when we made it back to our old home in Austin town this weekend.

We had all our favorite meals, barbecue, tacos, queso, more tacos. Memories flooded us around every corner, date nights, family adventures, milestones crossed. And most importantly, we got to feel loved by “family,” or rather the friends that became family when you needed it most.

This is how it should be when you make a place a home, no matter how short the time was in your life. It should make itself a little home in your heart and always open its arms wide to you when you come back.

So glad we will always have Austin.

And tacos. 🌮 Confession time... I sometimes daydream about being a mom of just one baby.

Not that I don’t love each and every one of my kids more than my heart can even find words for, because obvi I don’t even need to clarify that for you.

It’s just that this multiple and different needs thing all at once is very very hard on my brain capacity. And also my heart.

I sometimes dream of a world where I get to have each of my babies one day at a time. And then we all come together for one big epic fun filled Sunday as a family of five. Wouldn’t that be fun??!! But then I see the oldest reading a book to the middle. Or the middle tickled with himself at how he can make the baby giggle. Or there’s the epic family snuggle sessions in the king size bed before someone, all of them, demand breakfast. And then I remember we are right where we need to be and who we need to be with.

But also sometimes it’s super fun to just be with one. We snuck away together with our baby to a place that still has a piece of our heart, Texas. And while I miss the other two, it feels like a gift to enjoy that stage where it’s just you and me and a baby makes three. I can hardly remember him that tiny, but I’ll never forget when she started reading to them. 📚 Reading creates strong memories, doesn’t it. “For some it’s a physical place in which I remember reading. The beach, the hammock, the couch under a blanket. For others, it’s a place in time. A difficult pregnancy. A foggy newborn stage. A challenging stage of parenting. And for some, it’s a moment that I realize is one of a momentous milestone. Like seeing her read a book for the first time. Or reading our first chapter book series together.” Eighteen Memorable Book Moments in 2018 on the blog today. The answer to snow-mo and other FOMO related cases (see last post if you are confused 😊) ?? Be a noticer.

As promised, I shared about my process of creating a Reverse Bucket List on the blog today.

You don’t need a fancy planner, a complicated system, or even a lot of time. You just need a photo storage system of your choice, a few questions I list in the post, and a couple of minutes to do some thinking.

It’s my own way of doing goals and reflection. But I would love to see what you learn too. So I’m creating a hashtag!! Tell me how it works for you with #raiseandshineandnotice 🥳
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away”
— Pablo Picasso
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