Postcard from Today
(That might be the first time I used that word on this site. I’m not mad at it.)
This writing stuff is good and all but it’s getting hard. Not for lack of words. I have plenty. Rather more for lack of brain capacity for attending to the task in the way I would like. I am not giving up. It is the cheapest form of therapy I have going for me. Even when I try to push back my fingers itch. I want to type. I need to type. Even nonsense like this feels good. But I want to be completely candid. This daily writing practice does not come easily. Then again, creative tasks shouldn’t. They should stretch us, challenge us, knock us down, taunt us, tease us, then push us, hold us up. This daily challenge is like the Jillian Michaels of the writing world. She cheers me on but only after pushing me to work harder than I ever have before. She drives me to cry and feel all the feels. She won’t let me quit even when I beg “just one day off! What’s it going to hurt?” And when I don’t quit, when I hang in there and make it through one more day, we hug. She’s proud of me. It’s great.
That metaphor might have taken it a bit far. Either way, what I’m trying to say is I love this, I love what it is doing for me, but it is still a learning process. I still haven’t figured out how to stay on top of the writing. But then again, should I? Will I? It’s working. I like it. My ideas are endless. The creative drive is fulfilled every time. I suppose that’s what it was all for to begin with.
This morning, I read my book before the kids woke up because I wasn’t ready to write. Later in the morning I could have left Caroline to play while I snuck in a little writing. We colored together instead. Then we went to the library and checked out 57 books (no not really, 20, but it could have been 57 if I hadn’t stopped myself.) We came home and after lunch instead of cleaning up the dishes so I could have a free nap time for writing, we read all the new books together on the couch. I have opportunities throughout the day to write. It is possible, if I am disciplined enough, to sneak it in. I just didn’t want to.
So now, I’m sitting on my back patio under a beautiful sky with one over achieving firefly fluttering around and a GNT in my hand. It is only now that I am ready to write. I’m making it work. Is it ideal? No. Would I love to have my own office and quiet uninterrupted time? Yes. But this is what I’m working with and I will make it work. Until it doesn’t. And then I have confidence we will all figure it out.
Before the library opened we popped over to the capitol lawn for a few minutes to run around as the sun had just peeked through the clouds for the first time in days. I watched Caroline run free in the shadow of this powerful building. I watched her duck in and out of this amazing flowering tree like a secret garden. She was so happy in that moment. And I wanted to make a commitment that whatever her dreams, whether she wants to stand her ground on the senate floor or frolic and dream creative dreams, I want her to know she should just do it. Challenge yourself girl. Do big powerful things or small beautiful things. Whatever it is, make it happen. Even when it is hard. You got this.
I got this, too.
P.S. A little admin here: In case you were wondering "Postcard from Today//vol. 2?! What happened to vol. 1?" I decided to change the “Snapshot” photos into “Postcards from Today,” with lots or little words, whatever I’m feeling. Just so you can follow along.